[tlug] The cat is out of the bag ...

["SL Baur" <steve@example.com>]

Just so everyone knows.  Steve T and I are not real people.
We're robots created to consume Sony products.  Sony apologizes
for any confusion.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/49414

Sony Unveils New Model Customer
NEW YORK—Sony Corporation chairman and CEO Howard Stringer gave the
public a first glimpse of Steve, the latest model in the company's
highly anticipated line of ideal electronics consumers, during the
Sony Corporation of America's annual stockholders meeting Monday.
Enlarge Image

The new Steve will buy Sony products.

The 72-inch, 195-pound consumer—a 34-year-old unmarried financial
analyst—is smaller, lighter, and swifter than last year's beta-model
consumer, Larry.

"Larry was much less mobile, which worked well for electronics
enjoyment but less so for purchasing," said Hideo Ichimonji, head of
the design team for the Ideal Consumer Project. "Also, the Larry's
decision-processing became jammed when forced to choose from more than
one potential Sony product. By implementing parallel-purchasing
solutions and simplifying its personality traits, we've ensured that
Steve will always be a loyal Sony customer without any annoying system
shutdowns or buying freezes."

Sony expects Steve to usher in a whole new generation of ideal consumers.

"With Steve, we're introducing a range of cutting-edge consumer
attributes that other electronics manufacturers can only dream of,"
Stringer said during the half-hour demonstration, in which Steve
smoothly and quickly selected high-end Sony home-theater components it
researched on a Sony VAIO laptop while interfacing with Sony customers
worldwide using a Sony Ericsson mobile phone.

"The integration of Steve's simultaneous multi-credit-card-processing
capabilities with its high earning capability allows our new
U.S.-market flagship consumer to purchase our entire North American
product line in a single clock cycle."

Steve sports larger, pre-calloused thumbs and is fully
backwards-compatible with Sony's complete line of merchandise,
extending back to the Trinitron television and cassette Walkman. Its
debt threshold is also nearly two-thirds higher.

Several thousand Steves will be shipped to Asia and Europe for
test-shopping next month. Steve will come in six different colors,
with analysts expecting the white and yellow models to be much more
successful than the black version.

Designers say Steve's recharging capability is an improvement over
Larry's bulky and cumbersome charge port, which resembled a La-Z-Boy
recliner.

"Steve can recharge on any reasonably comfortable surface, including a
couch, desktop, floor, futon—anywhere that's within range of a Sony
product," said Ichimonji, who also described the automatic sleep mode
that activates when Steve has been out of contact with a Sony product
for more than 30 minutes. "The Steve also has the power to consume our
products on-the-go for up to three days on one charge. It's also got a
friendlier interface and improved social skills, and loves talking
about Sony products in any social setting."

Added Ichimonji: "Or you can just put Steve in front of an HDTV or
send it on its way with a Sony PSP, and you'll forget he even exists."

Industry experts have praised the redesign, particularly the enormous
numbers of visual, aural, and purchasing-suggestion inputs Steve can
support. But the most talked-about feature seems to be its built-in
anti-obsolescence feature, which enables it to continuously upgrade
its preferences for Sony merchandise.

"Steve definitely looks to be an improvement," said gaming enthusiast
Jennie Weathers, 28, who planned to attend a demonstration at a Las
Vegas electronics trade show this weekend. "The Larry was clunky,
slow, and always making noise. Steve has a lot more free time and the
flexibility to adapt to Sony retail stores and shopping sites like
SonyStyle. And it seems like he'll require very little upkeep or
attention, but he'll still be there when I just want to chill out and
watch DVDs on my Sony WEGA HDTV or need some quick cheat tips for
Kingdom Hearts II."

Analysts say that Steve's only real competition comes from Apple
Computer's own ideal consumer, the iBuy. But because the much more
expensive iBuy is designed only to purchase and enjoy the pricier, but
limited Apple product line, and is not intershoperable with other
systems, Steve's appeal will likely prove much broader.

Steve is scheduled for release in August, and Sony plans to have
hundreds of thousands of models perusing store shelves by Christmas.