[tlug] [Fwd: Tech Support]

[Gavin Rollins <gavin-39@example.com>]

Dear tlug,
This attachment is to all the guys who are having problems with there
mates....please read.. (it was sent to me from a good friend and I'm
sending it to you!)
Gavin (Fukushima)

--- Begin Message ---

• Date: Tue, 19 Nov 2002 17:44:47 -0500
• From: "Lanman" <lanman@example.com>
• Subject: Tech Support

Just received this one from a friend. Had to share it with you. Enjoy!

Dan


Dear Tech Support:

This year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that
the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the
product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other
programs and now launches during system initialisation, where it monitors
all other system activity. Applications such as Guys Night Out 10.3,
Baseball 5.0, Fishing 7.5, and Hockey 3.6 no longer run, crashing the
system
whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while
attempting to run my favourite applications. I'm thinking about going back
to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0.

Please help!!!!!!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User,

This is a very common problem that men complain about. It is due to a
primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0,
thinking that it is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0
is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!!
It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0.
Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0, so
nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the
program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to
Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Some have
tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than in the
original system. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under "Warnings-Alimony/Child
Support."

I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I
suggest installing the background application Yes Dear to alleviate
software
augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that you
read
the entire section regarding 'General Partnership Faults' (GPFs). You must
assume joint responsibility for any faults and problems that occur,
regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPFs are cyclical. The
best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. Avoid excessive
use of C:\YESDEAR because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE
command before the system will return to normal anyway. Remember the system
will run smoothly as long as you share the blame for all GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife
1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook
It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), and Do Bills 4.2. You must, however,
be
very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system
to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to
improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I
recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this happen.

WARNING!!!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short
Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support

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