OS Humor

[Nori Kise <s100234@example.com>]

Hi,

I've fond this on the net. Enjoy!

Sincerely,

Kise

PS
Question 1: Does Linux support the Diamond Speedstar series?
Question 2: Could anyone recommend Linux books describing how to display
	    Japanese under Linux? The one I'm using, "Using Linux," from 
	    Que doen't have any information on the subject.

------------------------------

WHAT IF OPERATING SYSTEMS RAN AIRLINES?
Somebody on the net asked that preposterous question and here are the
responses, as told to us by Alan Paller, Computer Associates International
Inc.'s director of open systems.

DOS AIRLINE
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the
plane coast until it hits the ground again, then push again, jump on again,
and so on.

DOS AIRLINE
The aircraft has no pilot; every passenger must have precise knowledge of how
to fly the plane, and every passanger has their own set of controls.  Only one
passanger can fly the plane during one 10-min. period.  If a passanger presses
the wrong key at the wrong time, the plane reboots.

MAC AIRWAYS
All stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look the same, act
the same, and talk the same.  Every time you ask questions about details, you
are told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be
done for you without you having to know, so just shut up.

MAC AIRWAYS
All Mac airplanes are booked with a single passenger.  To fill the plane's
empty seats, new passengers are created and dragged to their respective seats.
During lunch, meals are copied and then dragged, in sequence, to each and every
passanger.  After lunch, every passanger is selected, and the group of
passangers is dragged, as a whole, to the restroom.  Once the plane has landed,
the entire planet is dragged into the trashcan.

WINDOWS AIRLINE
The airport terminal is nice and colorful with friendly stewards, easy access
to the plane, an uneventful takeoff. . . then the plane blows up without any
warning whatsoever.

WINDOWS AIRLINE
The windows airline is compatable only with certain passangers.  It will not
even recognize some foreign passangers.  In fact, if a Chinese passanger
between the ages of 10 and 15 happens to board the plane, the plane will
explode.  The world will, however, remain intact.

With Windows Airlines, it is a nightmare to find your assigned seat.  Each seat
is identified by a full pathname, IRQ number, DMA number, revision number,
protocol control file pathname, and PIF file.  If a passanger goes to the wrong
seat, he or she is automatically reformatted.

FLY NT
Everyone marches out onto the runway, says the password in unison, and forms
the outline of an airplane.  Then they all sit down and make a whooshing sound
like they're flying.

FLY NT
Exactly like the Windows airline except that the plane travels only at 20% the
speed of the Windows plane.  However, the plane is extremely protective of its
environment.  If an enemy plane tries to disturb the Windows NT plane, (either
by flying too close, firing weapons, or by simply spying on the NT plane), the
enemy plane is automatically destroyed before any of the passangers can be harmed.
However, if a passanger mistakenly sits in another passanger's seat, the plane
terminates each and every one of its passangers.
 
UNIX AIRLINE
Everyone brings one piece of the plane with them when they come to the airport.
They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece,
arguing constantly about what kind of plane they're building.

UNIX AIRLINE
Unlike most airlines, terrorists are welcome here.  All passangers either
carry, or have access to, tons of ammo.  One false move, and the plane explodes
and plummets to the ground.  That is, if it ever got off of the ground. Getting
off of the ground requires 10 to 15 trial runs.  Some runs will be harmless.
Some will cause fatalities.  But once the plane gets in the air, it really
files. It gets there so fast, nobody realizes they actually got there.  So they
try it again, with the result that the luggage is destroyed.

AMIGA AIR
True enough, AmigaAir designed a wonderful airplane and very beautiful and all
that rot, but you got the end bit confused.  Right after take off, AmigaAir
fires the pilot, copilot and all the air crew, and refuses to tell anyone that
the airplane exists, but insists it will be the most popular airline.  Then,
while in mid-flight, the airline dissolves, but all the airports insist it's
business as usual.

OS/2 AIRLINES
OS/2 AIRLINES is fine.  A little outdated, but fine.  Trouble is, no one knows
of its existance.  Trying to book a flight on OS/2 airlines is like trying to
extract water from a slab of steel (using an orange juicer).  Here's the
process:  Call the main number.  5 days and 15 million calls later, you get the
required internet account access you need.  Another 5 days of hacking, you find
a direct dial number to the wife of the uncle of the marketing representitive
at IBM that might be able to get you a resevervation if he can remember the
number.

After all that work, you realize that the pilot has not yet been
invented.  But you do have a plane reservation.