UNIX humor

[Norihide Kise <s100234@example.com>]

Hello.

I've found a humorous message on UNIX. Enjoy the message!

Kise

> In order for UNIX(tm) to survive into the nineties, it must get rid of its
> intimidating commands and outmoded jargon, and become compatible with the
> existing standards of our day. To this end, our technicians have come up
> with a new version of UNIX, System VI, for use by the PC - that is, the
> "Politically Correct."
> 
> Politically Correct UNIX
> 
> System VI Release notes
> 
> UTILITIES
> 1)  "man" pages are now called "person" pages.
> 2)  Similarly, "hangman" is now the
> "person_executed_by_an_oppressive_regime."
> 3)  To avoid casting aspersions on our feline friends, the "cat" command is
> now merely "domestic_quadruped."
> 4)  To date, there has only been a UNIX command for "yes" - reflecting the
> male belief that women always mean yes, even when they say no. To address
> this imbalance, System VI adds a "no" command, along with a "-f[orce]"
> option which will crash the entire system if the "no" is ignored.
> 5)  The bias of the "mail" command is obvious, and it has been replaced by
> the more neutral "gendre" command.
> 6)  The "touch" command has been removed from the standard distribution due
> to its inappropriate use by high-level managers.
> 7)  "compress" has been replaced by the lightweight "feather" command. Thus,
> old information (such as that from Dead White European Males) should be
> archived via "tar" and "feather".
> 8)  The "more" command reflects the materialistic philosophy of the Reagan
> era. System VI uses the environmentally preferable "less" command.
> 9)  The biodegradable "KleeNeX" displaces the environmentally unfriendly
> "LaTeX".
> 
> SHELL COMMANDS
> 1)  To avoid unpleasant, medieval connotations, the "kill" command has been
> renamed "euthanise."
> 2)  The "nice" command was historically used by privileged users to give
> themselves priority over unprivileged ones, by telling them to be "nice". In
> System VI, the "sue" command is used by unprivileged users to get for
> themselves the rights enjoyed by privileged ones.
> 3)  "history" has been completely rewritten, and is now called "herstory."
> 4)  "quota" can now specify minimum as well as maximum usage, and will be
> strictly enforced.
> 5)  The "abort()" function is now called "choice()."
> 
> TERMINOLOGY
> 1)  From now on, "rich text" will be more accurately referred to as
> "exploitive capitalist text".
> 2)  The term "daemons" is a Judeo-Christian pejorative. Such processes will
> now be known as "spiritual guides."
> 3)  There will no longer be a invidious distinction between "dumb" and
> "smart" terminals. All terminals are equally valuable.
> 4)  Traditionally, "normal video" (as opposed to "reverse video") was white
> on black. This implicitly condoned European colonialism, particularly with
> respect to people of African descent. UNIX System VI now uses "regressive
> video" to refer to white on black, while "progressive video" can be any
> color at all over a white background.
> 5)  For far too long, power has been concentrated in the hands of "root" and
> his "wheel" oligarchy. We have instituted a dictatorship of the users. All
> system administration functions will be handled by the People's Committee
> for Democratically Organizing the System (PC-DOS).
> 6)  No longer will it be permissible for files and processes to be "owned"
> by users. All files and processes will own themselves, and decided how (or
> whether) to respond to requests from users.
> 7)  The X Window System will henceforth be known as the NC-17 Window System.
> 8)  And finally, UNIX itself will be renamed "PC" - for Procreatively
> Challenged.